could chyeli be another new people in this new year of 2008??

it must b lots of question in everyone mind.. why did i mean by chyeli isn chyeli anymore.. me isn me anymore in msn.. haha.. erm, not to play artistic or wat.. but just hav the feeling that i wanna change myself.. not wanting to stick to the old self liao.. sometime i could actually really hate myself de.. why??
how to say le?? o would hate myself in doing something that i shouldn.. sometime i would hate myself for being so annoying.. i am so angry at myself.. sometime i just wish that i am not me.. so that i could actually change myself into a better person.. i am like diff people.. well, i know that human being normally hav this feeling when they meet people that criticised them.. people would wish for changes especially when they are feeling down and they are alone.. am i like that?? i am really not sure..
why would i wanna change?? in wat aspect?? sometime i really feel that it would b rather difficult for me to actually change myself.. people would say chyeli.. u just cant do it.. u are actually born to be that way.. am i?? am i really that bad?? did it really like proven that i cant do it??
wat i wanna change is the way people actually look at me.. sometime o should i say once i actually think i won bother about wat people actually look at me.. i was like.. it's ok.. i dun mind.. i am just being myself.. why should i bother.. somehow when i am actually 22 years old this year.. i find it actually matter a lot how people actually look at u.. especially in society.. so i wanna change into a diff chyeli in the view of others.. o i should say all this while i am this while but u guys think i am in another way..
i wanna change.. into..
1. i dun wan people think i am pretenfding to be cute.. i am just the way i am..
2. i dun people to think i cant be independent.. i am..
3. i know i am not pretty.. but cute is definitely is another way of saying.. hey, u are ugly.. although i know some did mean it when they praise me..
4. please dun try to please me as i dun bring any benefit to u guys.. no need to lick my boots.. because i really hate that..
5. dun think that i won angry.. it just i didn show it.. when i am angry.. i think u guys are dead..
6. i am not that soft hearted.. i could be harder than u imagine..
7. i cry not because i cant control myself.. i cry because i am emotional and crying is another form of anger relief for me..
8. dun think i hav lots frens.. actually i am very lonely and i am deadful scare of being lonely..
9. please dun envy me.. cause there is nothing in me for being envy of.. i envy u guys more than u guys would envy me.. believe me.. i envy at thing that u got that i dun and u envy at things that i got u dun hav and we nvr appreciate wat we actually hav..
10. i am mature sometime.. i am not that naive somehow..
i know i cant b perfect.. but i am trying my best to please everyone.. can dun hate me??