How am i coping..

Everything is happening too fast. This happen when I have yet accept the fact that grandma is having stroke. I cry and cry everyday. Ended up my eye look kinda puffy whenever I go out. It is tiring too.

It is sad when things happening on my birthday. This year, I did not have any birthday celebration. Being worry about my grandma, I kinda cancel most of my plans though family say I should go out. After what happen, when I hang out with friend, I dun consider it as my birthday celebration. I just taking it as an opportunity to hang out and relax and probably tired myself up in order to have a good sleep later at the night.

On the 1st day itself, when i hear the news, i cancel my dinner with Sher and head straight to hospital. Freak out when i first see her. It is simply the same like those in the HK movie. The different is that is not a drama, lying the connected to all the tubes is my grandma. Lots called to wish me happy birthday. Hearing that make my heart break. How am i able to celebrate when she is lying there in critical. Finally, Bo yuan is the victim, he called to wish me happy birthday but i break down. i cried and i know i make him worry as he is unable to respond to what i have said. Obviously he did not expect anything like this. So sudden. But i feel the safe-ness to break down to him, therefore i cried when i see his name on my phone =) Obviously i shock Ling too. cause i feel the need to texted her, mayb i do wish she could respond a little to me but knowing her for few years, i know she will be scare receiving such msg from me. Not that i disappointed or anything, but if she 'an wei' me, i think it will be comforting cause she dun lie and say things she unsure of. Only friend that did not bother to 'tao hao bie ren'..

Later, I went out with Sher Wi. (wonderful woman I dun plan to lose in this life and I wish she read this though she did not read my blog). We watch movie and I kinda hold back. Did not bother to talk anything in front of her. Kinda out of tear. Playing strong I think. She was the 1st one i told about my granny.

Fri, I took off from work and visited my grandma the whole day. Meeting with Jiayi, Meifenn, Yeesian and Jarli. This 4 girls, if not because of HIM, I dun think we have the chance to meet. And I didn regret making friends with them though I am the oldest. LOL.. But hanging out with them doesn make me seem so old.. (an wei-ing myself) Meet them for Sex and a city 2. Laughter the best medicine I should say. Same like Sher. I did not touch anything on my grandma. Just on the way home, I tell a bit to Jiayi. Dun feel like breaking down in front of them.

Sat, I went to the hospital early in the morning and find all my uncles is gathering there, but arguing. Good thing I have make plans with the same gang as fri. Went out with them again. Sing K and a movie session (Jarli keep complaining it is expensive to watch movie in aussie). It did release everything out. especially the K session. Same like previously, we do not touch on sensitive issue, or I should say they are being very careful with me =) and i have fun..

~the only picture i took in this period of time~

After a break from the hospital, on Sun, I went to the hospital whole day again. Avoiding all the uncles and I am trying to have some time alone with granny. This is the worst day. I cry lots too. Need to speak with someone really badly. But picking someone is hard. There are like so many people i wish to talk to. At the end, i choose to call Eva. Kinda really break down on the phone with her. Crying like a baby. But i need to do that. And as a teacher, with my 6th sense, i think she will be the most persuasive one. And thanks to her, others did send me msges as she texted everyone in ~us~ to care me more. I am touched. Go home after visiting hour is over and sleep. Tired of crying. Then I ask sher to go out for mamak. Craving for some roti canai. Meet sher opposite my house. And that was the time I break down in front of her. I cry when I tell stories. But not long one. I doubt I can do that. I just do not feel like sharing the details. All this helps..
And Mon, I resume to work as normal and visiting become one of my routine after work nowadays.
How will I face it in the future are still blank.. We will see. I have not been blogging so often for a very long time. There is this need, where I feel I wanted to have the memory. I didn wanna say last memory I have about grandma. But I wanna remember it. Cause Grandma is someone special to me. Very very special =)