i am sad now

i did not understand, mood can change like just in a min. i was happy to drive after work just to see my grandma. and i was pretty happy chatting with her, moving her arm. trying to grab her attention. till when my mum hav to come and complain to me why my grandma have to be put in my house and not others.. complain and complain.

my anger start to come. i know this isn mummy fault. i know mummy have been good enough just complaining but i know she will initially end up to be the one that will be taking care of my grandma. when grandma is ok, mummy was not her fav daughter in law. so when mummy willing to sacrifise to take care of granny, i can see how much my mummy willing to sacrifice for daddy, for me, for us.. as all of us love granny dearly..

i am just getting piss because there aren actually place to put my grandma in my house. i didn wan my grandma to not being comfortable. already being paralysed. at least if she could have an airy room and also wider room will be good dun u think. but because no F****** people wanna accommodate her and i am seriously more willing to have her with me. just feel sick and heartache when i know granny going to be cramp inside the suppose to be storeroom in my house. 

mummy was nagging that i should clean up my stuff in the room and others. and i got really piss. having not enough sleep, stress from everywhere, i didn wanna stress where should i place my stuff. at this point i seriously wish myself wealthy enough to buy myself a house. i am just so cannot hold back my tear when mummy nag beside me. i breakout right after i close my room's door.

i hate uncles for not being courage enough. for not wanting their own mother sleeping with them. i hate their wife for not willing to let their mum in-law and somehow force the husband not to take in the mother. i hate them for thinking that my family should be the only place my grandma should go. i hate them i hate them. i love my grandma.. i seriously doesn mind. but sleeping in the storeroom, it is just so sick..i hate them.. didn have kids, stay in a double storey with all the extra room, yet.. u are keeping them for? not like u going to have child anymore. i just hate to believe that in this world, i really have to face with selfish people like them. u guys just lost ur respect from me u know? expect me to look after u guys when u guys grow older? when u guys dun have kids? why dun u think how u guys treat your mum? i dun think u deserve me taking care of u.. no matter how u love me previously, i dunno if that is ur acting anymore. since with ur birth mum, this is all u are going to do. talk and not contributing.. 

wiping my tear. telling myself everything is going to be ok. even if the sons didn wan their mum. i know my daddy wan. i know i wan my grandma and i know my sis wan my grandma too. i won give up. just being a little difficult as i have to bear with everything. dun i wanna hear anyone of u complaining saying that me and my family did not provide good accommodation for my grandma. who r u to going to say so? i am seriously swearing that i am so going to shut u guys mouth up if i hear words coming from ur mouth. i dun care if u are my uncle or my aunty. i dun think u guys deserve anything more from me. nothing more..