loneliness

Today Myfm share an interesting topic. They were mentioning if we will feel lonely if we eat alone, shop alone or even watch movie alone. They also mention, people that are doing everything alone, either they are enjoying to be alone or they do not have much friend.
What am i? i actually feel both. sometime i do enjoy being alone. especially when i am angry. That is because i didn wanna make someone else angry at me. at the point when i am angry, i am super bad mood and people that close to me will get all the anger la.. but if i am sad, i dun wish to be alone. it will make me feel more sad.. it is kinda like god is telling me i am alone or something like that?
Everyone around me love to say that Chyeli have many friends. Did i? Because i still feel all this loneliness on my birthday, all the special event. that was the period i feel extra lonely. Other day i still can work and online or even read.. but on special occassion like Christmas, Valentine's Day.. damn.. i dun like to spend them alone.. But being a person with lots friend, loneliness is what i felt when all this special day visit me =(

Eventhough i can live all my myself, enduring all the loneliness, I am afraid to be alone in the future. i am afraid that i have to live all by myself. i am afraid of loneliness.