after going through all the thinking.. sleepless nite.. cant concentrate wif my work and stuff.. i manage to get myself to calm down n think properly.. i choose to let him hav a choice.. well, mayb all this while i've been lying to myself.. that this guy actually love me and he is there for me because he really love me.. but somehow at this point i doubted the thruth.. whether he really in love wif me o whether i am just.. lying to myself.. till today when i ask him why is he wanna start wif me he didn wanna tell me.. he just didn kow how important this answer is to me.. mayb by knowing that answer.. he would gv me a secure feeling which i really need..
actually i been thinking of letting go quite a number of time.. well, but all this while all that i've been thinking is myself.. it just doesn come across my mind.. how bout him?? did he really think the way i think?? o did he really wan the way i wan?? o am i just thinking wat i wanted the most?? that is why i would classified myself as selfish.. finally till today i hav the courage to think.. if he really wan this way?? and i would think.. is he wanted to let go from the beginning but it is me that he worry about?? then, wat the point of having him but he turn out to b just not that into u..
it hurt me when i think about him.. but wat can i do.. honestly i've been listening to a song.. song title name 'fong sang'(cantonese).. well, in the song, the singer sang.. exactly wat i am feeling now.. "shi ngo tai guo oi nei, yuen yee fong sang nei"... " ngo yik suen ji chao.. mou wai keong phik nei.. nan tao you ngo tui ju nei.. gui gui you sang you sei..." it mean that.. i love u too much that i am willing to let u free.. i know wat is shame.. it's not necessary that i forve u.. i wouldn wanna face u but every words hurts.. there is another para.. where it sound.. "chao tong oi cho liu lei.. chao tong fong sang lei.. ngo chao fong hoi shao.. mou wai joi yan lei.. ming bak fong guo lei shi fong guo ji gei.. jie ko tou lei.." it mean??.. take it as i love u wrongly.. take it as i let u free.. i let go of my hand now.. there is no need for me to b tolerate at u anymore.. i understand that letting u free mean letting myself free..
i've gaven him a choice.. wat eva is the choice.. i will accept.. although i am sad for now.. but i would b happy.. i wouldn hav regret.. at least i been brave to love.. n i've been brave to voice out when i dun feel love.. well, my love theory is rather easy.. i didn wan myself to b happy but my partner to suffer.. i would wan u to love me for who i am n i love u for who u r.. it wasn that hard.. and either if u dun wanna to b wif me.. i won force.. hey.. i may seem pretty baby.. but when u really wanna let me go.. please dun scare to hurt me.. because when u didn wanna voice out n u think by doing that u r protecting me.. then u r wrong.. u hurt me more than anyone will do.. =) forever u will remain in my heart.. this i promise u..
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