normal dy ma??

facing break up wasn as hard as i think it would b.. well, if let say he is standing right in front of me now.. mayb i can forgive him.. but whether i can make it a not it's a different situation.. well, last time i always tell myself that once break up.. it's kinda hard to b fren.. but.. when i am in that situation.. i feel it's depend.. depend on how we actually break up.. i dunno wat i should face.. but right now.. all i wanted to do was to study real hard and to get truely over wif shequ.. well, it's been for 2 years plus liao.. all the bz life and all the chinese wording thing finally end this sem..
well, tonight just after my ais lanjutan lab class i hav shequ meeting.. we are discussing about youth camp.. again la.. it's like nvr end that we, um de shequ members will forever hang wif the camp de.. like that's our scope.. so today it's the camp the discussion.. well, i skip several meeting until when they actually discussing i didn know wat they r trying to tell me.. sorrie guys.. i didn mean to skip meeting.. sometime u guys do it on the day where i hav class and also i hav emergency.. plus.. sometime i avoid to come because of my personal issue.. i didn deny that i skip going to kss because i am moody and haven manage to control my feeling yet..
then during the meeting today.. it make me realise that i am actually kinda useless in shequ de.. like there is nothing i can help.. lian siang also try to comfort me.. he would say tat i help a lots.. i contributed the idea. but at the end of the day.. i feel useless.. well, trying not to feel that way.. others may say i grown a lot in shequ.. but how they know?? they aren me.. i try to think only the good thing about shequ.. although i am a lil useless in she qu.. but i did try my best and sometimes i might 'tao lan' a lil.. but i am also human where will avoid stuff that they scared of..
then, after the meeting we celebrate lian siang de b;day.. we went to wong kok.. and i've order something very funny.. dunno wat it's call liao.. but i know it's a lil mago and a lil frizzy la.. hehe.. and ate something cause really hungry..

~my huge mango frizzy drink.. nice..~

then, after having our meal.. we celebrate lian siang birthday lo.. well, situation was kinda weird la.. dunno how to say.. dunno why i feel that we she qu members not that close anymore.. it feel very very weird.. then when we hav the cake n when we wanna sing song that time.. haha.. funny no one actually wanna sing b'day song.. it's like so 'kekok' man.. i didn know how to describe the situation to u guys la.. haiyoh.. we were just finish eating and we cut the cake..

~half melted birthday cake.. haha..~

after eating the cake everyone like blur a while de.. dunno how to say.. sit a while then we all go back lo.. take pic wif the birthday boy lo.. well, this guy actually very quiet when he is actually hanging out wif all of us.. erm, last time i feel he very cool de.. he just dun show his true feeling to people lo.. well, i 1stly thought he dun care bout others except himself.. but when u get along.. he's nice.. dunno why.. and dunno since when.. i start to get along wif him.. we talk about almost everything.. and we share secret.. and v hav our signal.. haha.. our language that others dunno.. then he very caring.. but he scare people cry.. when i break that time.. he msg me.. when he know i break.. he just faster wanna leave me alone.. cause scare i cry.. really funny.. then.. he tell me he got 3 birthday wishes and ask me to guess since i know him well.. haha.. i guess 3 correctly.. well, lian siang.. the 3rd wishes is foer me and i thank u for that.. i promise u that i will make ur 3rd wishes come true.. but 1st and 2nd wishes is depending on u.. gambateh la.. u know i will always b here.. =) just come to me when u need me la..

~me n birthday boy o..~

then come back, lie down a while.. take bath.. wei jie called.. well, i know i must hav make him worry a lil.. but he manage to make me think something that i nvr think it will come across my mind before.. well, mayb wat he say is right.. it's kinda useless i cry like that without any direction.. i also dunno wat i am crying about.. waste my energy and waste my tear only.. sigh.. must think for the sake of myself dy... must try to live my life happier.. hope granny and parent won b disappointed when they know i am off wif him.. =) i promise wei jie i will tell them and i won cry anymore.. since i hav promise i hav to b better and i hav to prove it o.. well, next weekend will b seeing him.. so i must b tough..