thsi few days staying at home.. feel happy o.. and understand mum, grandma and the rest de feeeling more.. why when last time i didn come home my mum they all call me all the time.. why if i drive go out, mummy will worry.. wan me call her straight when i reach and tec.. till today.. till yest.. i waited for my bro.. and my mum was sleeping.. from 11pm she ask me call my bro.. i called, he went to supper.. till 12am.. haven back i msg him.. worry mum will worry... then he still eating.. until at 1.20am.. mummy come down, then ask me if boy come back dy.. i tell her haven.. then mummy was sitting at the stair case waiting for him to back.. i can see mummy is very tired.. then she still sitting at the staircase.. sis ask her go sleep.. but i didn say anything.. the more we say i think the more we hurt mum's heart.. when sis sask mum go rest.. mummy didn say anything.. just sat there and looking at the door.. i begin to worry.. what take bro so long to be abck.. until about 2am.. m,y bro come back.. mum scolded him.. but i guess my bro would find her 'fan' instead of touch that my mum waited for him to come back.. i think in my bro heart he sure think he dun hav any freedom.. i am worry.. i didn know wat my bro hav in his mind.. at home he dun hav anyone to talk too..
then when mum sleep, he went to bath and come down telling me that he will work the next day.. mean today la.. but until my sis wake me up ask me send her to the station my bro didn wake me.. i ask him "u not going to work" he say not going dy.. it was like last night he was telling me he wanna go.. i didn know if morning my mum n him actually quarrel cause it was weird that sudd my bro didn wanna go work.. well, i dunno wat happen.. i know it wasn easy to become mother.. i can see.. and i can see mum is comparing as well..
mum is comparing me, bro and sis.. mum is comparing us wif the kids of her frens.. mum is comparing us wif our relatives' kids.. this is call envy ba??
mummy always ask me why we didn talk to her.. why we didn 'king sam si' wif her.. it wasn me that didn wanna talk wif her.. sometime it wasn easy to tell her everything as u scare.. even grandma she wanna compare.. say we sayang her more n ect.. mummy, i started to learn how to talk to u.. i hav always envy people that can talk wif thei dad and mum.. they can share their secret wif them.. but why cant i?? why cant i share wif u who is my crush?? what kind of person i am?? what kind of person i like?? and wat is my future?? wat did i wanna do and stuff?? why didn u wanna listen?? i am trying.. now whenever i hav time i will try to talk to u.. i know we cant talk in the crowd.. so sometime when u about to sleep i will lie beside u and i will chat wif u.. i wish u know me more.. ask about me..
mummy, i know u care about me.. but sometime it wouldn hurt if u ask more.. sometime when u call.. i really happy.. really really happy.. u call cause u care.. u call cause u wanna know how i am.. but why whenever u call me u hav to be so cold?? why cant u try to break the ice and talk wif me?? sometime i wanna talk to u and before i finish u will just say.. okla.. like that la.. and u slam my phone.. i didn even start telling what i wanna tell..
i wasn blaming o wat.. sudd i just wanna blog.. mayb cause this period i was more in home compare to last time and it make me hav all this feeling ba..
i still love u mum.. and i will try to change the attitude.. i will slowly try tell u everything.. like how i tell grandma.. and like how i tell my fren.. i wanna tell u everything.. that in the future when people ask about ur daughter u know what to answer regradless whatever question they hav ask.. i will take this as a mission and i will try to fulfill it by end of year 2009.. giv me some time.. =)
mum,
i hope u will loosen ur grip on bro also.. cause he needed some space to breath too.. =) i hope u can open ur heart for all of us and stop treating as small kids.. i am already 22 years old and bro the youngest is already 17.. no matter how we will not run away and we will always be ur kids.. i promise..
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