i love you

this was kinda difficult phrase for me.. i couldn bring myself saying this to my family.. to those that i care and love.. but i could actually joke with this words with frens.. though it sounded like joke.. i mean it.. i love them too.. just how come i cant joke like that to my family..
this few days hav lots feeling.. really wanted to tell my family i love them.. and wanted to hug them.. but still i didn hav enough courage doing so.. therefore, nowaday when i hav extra time i will surely be back home.. last time, i didn even bother to chat wif my mum n grandma o dad.. back home accompany them only.. but i still do my own stuff.. play wif my own laptop and worst go out wif frens.. until recently i realise how i wish i would hav a great family.. close one..
once i ask my sis.. "if i was to go oversea.. will u miss me??" she answer me no.. that is why when i see how ai vin and cinvin's relation o jiayi wif her bro.. i got jealous.. they are so good together and yet they didn hide it inside their heart.. they show it out to each other.. how i wish my n my sis n bro are like that..
this make me come home more often.. spent more time talkting to my sis n bro.. chat wif my mum and grandma and also dad.. but still.. the courage to say i love you is not there... i really love them.. a lot.. i could swear that i didn wanna trade anything that i own to replace o exchange them.. they are mine forever.. FOREVER...
mayb i was affected a lil b y 'ka hao yuet yuen' la.. but i hav this feeling before start watching this.. mayb cause of my grandma ba.. as long as i remember.. as i still hav my memory fresh.. i dun hav any close relative passing away.. which mean i nvr been through the ceremony, the feeling and everything.. which make me feel really scare when think of it.. that is why i rather off not going to work and bring my mum to my grandma's house and also spent more time wif them.. i didn wan myself to regret later.. how could i hav the courage to say i love you?? grant me the courage will ya?? PLEASE??