grandma's visit

last visited my grandma yesterday. well, she is doing fine. at least better than the 1st time i see her. well, she almost shock me when i see her for the 1st time. didn wanna share the worst. i am glad she is better. when i see her on sat, she is trying hard to talk to me. but i couldn understand a word and i didn wanna ask her to repeat so i pretended that i understand. she has always been stubborn when she is well. she has always have her thinking and she did not like people arranging her things, schedule or anything. she always wanted her say in anything related to her. but currently, when she lost her ability to move, i think she need some time to cope. i mean, because she not just unable to move but unable to speak in the same time, making her having difficult time.
i swear i saw a glimpse of tear in her eye. i dunno.. i am not sure. i hope i see it wrongly too. well, she is coping and we are all coping. i know how difficult it must have been for her. when i wanted to leave, she held my hand, as if she know i wanted to go even without me saying. so i stay with her while she hold my hand.. then another uncle come and i can make my escape without her feeling so bad. when i go, i look into the window, and bye to her.. and then she nod at me.. making me feel.. why would i leave her there.. the feeling is.. i just unable to describe how i feel..
all i wanted to say at the moment is "i love you, grandma"... but i didn as uncles is around..