Chyeli in the last couple of weeks..

Hie blog,

It has been awhile since i last wrote anything here. I was a bit busy last couple of weeks and i was maintaining my written diary more than this electronic diary. The only things that is more happening to me this couple of weeks is the relationship i got myself into.
I have been keeping in touch with someone that i should not for the last couple of weeks. I did not expect him to visit my blog and i do feel scare to blog about him last time. Probably because i didn want him to know that "I am so not over about you yet" kinda thing. But this post, i wish that he can see it. After the last conversation regard how girl/woman can be braver than guy/man, i assume he is someone really and he would not make any move and avoid is the only thing he is planning to do right now? Is he? Maybe i think a little too much. I am not going to care what he think rite now. What matter now is what i am thinking and what am i feeling. Will i be able to endure giving without having to get anything in return? I am telling myself that i think i can. I am giving everything that i want to give him in this life. Do not get me wrong cause i am not asking for anything. I am just trying to make myself comfortable and not regretful but burden him a little with the love he do not deserve. Silly i know but i do think i can live without him. Even if he decide to let go of me in his current life, at least i do not regret to have all the memory i have regard him rite? I would not want to hear the phrase that we will be friend forever and i did not request anything in return. Just let me keep this feeling of being more than friend but not yet the lover stage. I know, they say we will demand more if we get what we want. Just put it that i wont be greedy. I just want this right now.
Sometime i do angry at myself you know, angry how can i not let go of him and move on.. Angry on how many guy i have let go because of him. Angry with myself.. But still, this is the reason why there are things that we could not explain in this world rite? I will still move on, but i am including you in the future chapter, whether if you are going to stay until the end of the story, we shall wait and see what fate is arranged for us =)
What am i still doing now? What am i waiting for? Breath and continue live on chyeli.